ETHEL DE LONG ZANDE Writing and Publications “Mountain Manners”

MOUNTAIN MANNERS

“Larn them manners” is the universal injunction of parents to schoolteachers in the Southern Mountains. It indicates the bias of home training and the mountain man’s assumption that the “fotched – on” teacher may have brought in something finer than the home product in manners, Whereas for dignity, forbearance and gentleness, the manners of these whom. Mr. Cecil Sharp, has called ” cultivated illiterates” are an ideal wistfully striven for by most “furriners”.

Inevitably, mountain folk wear their rue with a difference, And the sojourners never tires of noting just this difference. “The invitation, ” come stay all night, stranger, we fare rough, but you’re welcome to the best we’ve got”, warms the heart Of the way fairer, while among his intimates and neighbors, a mountain man’s omission of “Well, come go with me”, Would be as discourteous as a city man’s boorish suspension of ” thank you” and ” excuse me.” home in the mountains are not exclusive, and the number of unheralded visitors a woman may serve with food in the course of a month is amazing. This generosity is not only because ways of living are simple; It is also due to a certain straightforwardness of character that does not ” put on”, but accepts facts as they are. Naturally, she regrets that the baby is dirty.; that the baked sweet.\ ‘taters were All eaten earlier, but if she cannot offer her best, or even her second best, she can at least share. hospitality is not a function in this country; It is rather a brotherly right.

Straightforward, too, is the way in which the mountain man satisfies his natural curiosity as to fundamental personal affairs. Delicacy is violated when he asks you, ” How old be ye? Be ye married or single.” nor do we imagine in this country that people wish to conceal …..

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Obvious facts. If you are white-haired, no one expects that. your feelings have to be shielded; You are plainly an old woman. ” Well, I guessed you was that old, ’cause you’re broke. You ain’t broke much, but you’re some broke.”

Yet, straightforwardness applies to essential human facts, rather than to mere matters of conversation or opinion. a race that delights in legal argument abhors. Even the approach to wrangling or contention. The delightful acquiescence one usually meets in conversation is purely verbal. Perhaps a conventional form of courtesy, it seems. At any rate, no one suffers any embarrassment if he shows himself inconsistent. ” Yes, you’re right, a baby hits size shouldn’t have nothing to eat but milk.” Then a few minutes, “, Sally, give hit a piece of cornbread.. Hits hongry. Poor little thing. Love its heart.!”

There was never a people, a pleasanter way. Nervous impatient speech rarely Mars family relationships, and a tone of courtesy is not saved for high occasions, but is used in customary intercourses.. It is a generally accepted fact. That a child to be raised right must have a master, but this does not imply that he must be ” quarreled at.” confusion, unexpected events, tragedy, which elsewhere often serves as excuses for impatience or hysteria, do not disturb the poise and quiet of one’s demeanor here. ” He is allus mild” , Is [a] highly desired commendation in this country. In our school, a child who is homesick or dissatisfied just steps off without a good by because he is afraid his teacher may quarrel at him or keep him from going. He…..

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…. cannot bear a “scene.”

But never mistake the mildness of the mountains for a holy calm. now and then wrath leaps forth, sudden and terrible, stopping at nothing, and then we have killings. Small emotion is wasted on them. If the Slayer had provocation, And to us, this seems worthier than the course of murder cases in the outside world, where a man gets off on the plea of insanity.

Frankness governs the relations of man and maid. A girl or a boy may not” talk to” two sweethearts at once. Dalliance in love making is not popular in the mountains, and matters are often clearly stated thus:  “Now you say whether you want to talk to Jasper or me; if it’s him you’re wanting, speak, and I’ll just get me another girl. And, if it’s me, you can send him packin’.”

Of course our artists must not be frank, but must show becoming modesty. Even. our best singers, hem and haw. ” No, I can’t sing to do no good today. Uster I could sing, but my voice is hoarse.” This from men and women whose greatest joy is singing, by the hour, either meeting songs of good Calvinistic doctrine and surpassingly beautiful tunes., or ballads 200 years old. A woman once said to a singer she was listening to, Now, don’t hold in no more; Just bust right out!” If you love to ” Bust right out” with your singing., only a powerful convention can restrain you! Fiddlers and banjo – pickers are exempt from this convention and frankly enjoy themselves. Doubtless they feel the support of their instruments! The …..

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Other day I met a neighbor who had just bought a fiddle after years of having none.” She’s a beauty.”, he said. ” I want you to get me a case for her, so I can shade her from the a’r. ‘ I’ll bring her up in prayer for you. She’s the clearest, loudest – ringing.nest melodious est violin you ever heard. I always was a musical minded man. And  “If I can just sit down to my fiddle, hit drives everything mean away. When aggravations gather roundabout me, I start up a tune, and that leads to another and pretty soon the aggravating things is plum drive away. Likewise, if I’m mad, or troubled about the financial matters of the world.”

Practical necessity has given rise to some conventions. The exact opposite of the world’s outside. In a country of little houses, large families, and ample hospitality, provision has to be made for private conversation. In fair weather, it is only necessary to say, ” I want to speak a word with ye,” And then step off to the orchard or around the corner of the house, but two men may secure equal privacy without rudeness, around a crowded hearth, By putting their arms around each other’s necks and whispering.

visitors often comment on the degraded position of women here, because they serve at table and wait for their own meal until everyone is eaten and gone. They overlooked the fact that kneels in this country are merely a means of sustenance and are not considered occasions for conversation. the mountain mother, whose business it is to feed hungry mouths, gets through. the work and then sits……

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…… down to eat at her leisure.

It is inevitable that the isolation of life here should have produced a race of individualists whose behavior and thought always reckons on the personality and thought of the other.. even children have this tribute paid to them. “i’d like him to stay in your school, but ‘pears Like he caint be satisfied, so I reckon I’ll have to take him home.” We never talk of the worth of the individual in the Cumberlands, yet, as a group, the mountain people have the attitude of the Bible towards their fellow men. “All We like sheep have gone astray”, But sins do not damn a man for ever, not even for his span of human life! He is never done for, socially, if he wishes to do better. a girl. who has a **** child, but “allus tried to do right” After that, may win an honorable position in a good name. a mountain woman spoke to me of a woman who had killed her **** baby soon after its birth. ” If she’d just told us what a fix she was in, we’d have helped her, period. Of course, we’d have been sorry that she hadn’t done right, But for her to have killed her baby well., none of us ever heard tell of a thing like that before. ‘Pears like they caint be no good in her.”  The sin against accepted standards of behavior can be outlived. But the sin against fundamental human feelings passes the understanding of our neighborhood. Recently, a traveler in Clay County inquired about a rather notorious Harlan County man who had moved to Clay [county].  “Died last spring” …..

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Said his informant, “An’ he was one of our best citizens. P’raps I shouldn’t say one of our best citizens, because, of course, when he lived in Harlan County, he killed three men, but while he lived with us, he was a good citizen.”

Ethel de Long Zande
Pine Mountain , Kentucky